Leaving a Legacy
There are SO many jokes in pop culture about life coaching, and quite honestly, I love it. If the first thing you think of when you hear “life coach” is Paris Geller covered in glitter in her Yale dorm room, you and I are the same person. Most recently, the spoof has been specifically about life coaches asking if you “know your why.”
To be honest, this one hits a little closer to home. Why? Well, because I ask similar questions with clients. Research has found that knowing the purpose behind why you want to change your behavior is often a key element to your success.
And finding the answer on your own is sometimes harder than you’d think. Typically we know the surface answers, “I want to lose weight because….I want to look good in a bathing suit” or “I want to write a book because…I like to write.”
However, when a life coach asks you to dig a little deeper, you might discover opportunities hiding beneath the surface. Often these are our dreams, the ones we feel are too big or afraid to speak aloud. Our dreams begin to snowball, growing larger, leaving a bigger mark on our lives. Changing one small thing can change everything. Maybe you want to look good in a bathing suit because you want to prioritize your health and future, proving to yourself that you are strong and capable ( not the false label society gives). Your gained confidence in your ability may exude from you and open up even more doors. Or maybe you have a desire to write a book because others’ stories have been instrumental in your healing process and you believe your own story can resonate with others.
When we dig deeper and are clear on “our why,” our actions are powered by something stronger: a passion fueled purpose.
When working with clients like yourself, I find most of us want to leave a legacy. Now, we don’t always call it that, but the sentiment is still the same: want to leave a reminder that we were here, and that this life we live day in and day out mattered. It can be a legacy for future children. It can be a legacy of female success in a previously male dominated work environment. It can be leaving a legacy through hospitality and love through recipes and baking. No matter who it is for, we want to build something that lasts and we see that’s been true for the generations who’ve gone before us too.
Two days before Christmas this year, my grandmother took her final breath, surrounded by her loved ones in a room full of photographs of her sisters, her children, and her grandchildren. I spent a few days reflecting, retelling stories of my time with her, and pondering the things I never thought to ask. In doing this, I realized how much of her vivacious life was passed on to me. I realized I am a living part of her legacy.
To be clear, I believe we often glorify people in their death. I do not want to do her the injustice of glossing over her humanness, of the hardships she bore, or the burdens she carried. One of four very loud, very close, very hilarious sisters, she was a first generation immigrant. She, like all of us, struggled and laughed and did her best to love and was fully human because of it. She wore bright red lip stick and drove like she was the only one on the road and ate peanut butter from the jar. She couldn’t cook, but loved to write and kept a diary every day for most of her life. Her house had over 100 bird related items, I know, I counted more than once. She taught classrooms full of children, and still she misspelled my father’s name on his birth certificate. Not having learned the lesson, when they called her to spell my name, she misspelled it too. Google wasn’t invented yet, so they all get a pass. I share a middle name with her, however, so that one she got right. When I look in the mirror, I see her orangey red hair and freckles. Like her, I have a desire to write, to capture this life as it happens in my own words. And sometimes, I admit, I’ve got her spicy attitude.
She left a legacy for her kids and more grandchildren than could fit in the newspaper obituary. And now, in the weeks following her death, I wonder if she had a “why.” I wonder if she ever even had the luxury of pondering her purpose. What, if asked, would she want to be remembered for? What would she have liked to have left behind?
The truth is, for good or bad, we leave our imprint on the lives of others’ around us. And at some point, maybe we each need to be asked, “What is our why?”
What is the life we’re trying to cultivate?
Who are we looking to become?
What characteristics do we want to shape our days, our relationships, our work?
And…if someone took an inventory of where we spend our time and energy and love, would it reflect our bigger purpose?
Or maybe it’s just me.
Edit: This was written before the helicopter accident took the lives of Kobe & Gianna Bryant and seven others on January 26th, 2020. There are no words for such a tragic accident and my heart goes out to all of the families and friends who mourn. Kobe Bryant was an excellent example of knowing his passion fueled purpose and leaving a legacy, putting his all on the line for his family and for the game. As President Barack Obama said in his tweet, “Kobe was a legend” and was “just getting started in what would have been just as meaningful a second act.” Yesterday is a cruel reminder that nothing in this life we live is guaranteed, so my prayer for each of us is that we hold those we love even tighter and commit each day to cultivating our character, love for others, and building our legacy.
