How to Face Rejection & Thrive

It was a humid, almost summer day as I sat criss-crossed in the hallway, eagerly awaiting my turn to try out for the fourth grade choir. I could hear other kids singing about rowing boats and twinkling stars as I skimmed over the worn page of my hymnal. Of course, as a 3rd grader, I chose a hymn to audition with. I was the cool kid, clearly. When my name was called, I entered the classroom and gave it my all. Two weeks later I got the letter in the mail. There were encouraging words like “brave” and “try again next year.” But all I saw was the answer, “No.” I was one of three kids that did not make choir that year. The tears were heavy and fast.

Fast forward ten or so years: I felt numb as we held hands for the last time. He just kept talking, over explaining why he no longer saw a future with me. Going into way too many details about why he no longer wanted to be with me. But all I heard was “I’m 100% confident that you are not the woman I want to start a church with.” Those words cut straight to my heart. More tears, heavy and fast.

And most recently, she was one of the only employers that gave me a chance at an interview. I dressed up, practiced for days, and really believed I was perfect for her company. As promised, my phone rang a few days later, but I hardly heard any of the rest of her words after she said, “I have some bad news.” I knew that the answer was “No.”

Facing rejection is tough. Putting fate, a dream, a career, or a heart into someone else’s control feels laborious. And when the call comes, we sometimes twist the caller’s words into the what the ugly voice in our head has been saying all along: “Not good enough. Unwanted. Stuck. Unqualified. Worthless. Mediocre.” If we are not careful, we can let this feedback begin to define the way we see ourselves and live within its negative limitations.

But in reality, rejection is a reflection of the other person, not ourselves. Rejection reveals what they want and don’t want. It doesn’t mean that I am worthless or bad. Rejection simply shows that I am not the right fit for that relationship, job, choir, etc. Rejection from one specific person does not mean that rejection will always be my fate. Someone else’s “no” does not make me unworthy or unqualified, it makes me a different fit than what they are looking for. Someone’s “no” opens up the opportunity for me to become someone else’s “yes.”

When I stop to think about it, the boy who was over explaining? He was right, I shouldn’t have started a church with him. It would have been a disaster! Instead, I married a wonderful man with a closer theology, character, and life style to the one I have.

And the jobs that have accepted me? They were right, my skills lined up with what they needed and the ministry relationships I built thrived. I have been able to mutually benefit from my work experience and for me, that is success. 

Rejection can actually be one of the most helpful tools to getting what you want. When you listen carefully to the feedback given, you can make adjustments and strategically cast your net into a more receptive pool that is looking for someone with your unique gifts, talents, character, and lifestyle.

The choir teacher who rejected me? She was right. My husband and I bust out the hymnal and sing on our front porch, loud and unashamed. But a choir? Oh bless it, my joyful squeaks would have thrown off the whole thing!

With a better understanding of what rejection means, we can face it head on with a grateful heart; grateful that we are one step closer to finding a place where our passions, gifts, and hearts belong. 

Take a minute today to think about how previous rejection has shaped the way you face future opportunities. How can you take the rejection feedback and see it with a new lens? What areas of your life have you been fearing rejection and how can you face them boldly today?

If the rejection is fresh and still cuts deep, speak God’s words of love and acceptance over yourself. Scripture tells us time and time again that you are God’s beloved. God sees you as holy and accepted. God has prepared good work in advance for you to do. You have been given wonderfully unique gifts and talents to cultivate and with which to positively impact the world. No earthly feedback can withstand the overwhelming grace and love of God.