Intentional Living: My Story
Today was the first day since our move that I’ve spent time revisiting my 2019 goals and reframing them for the rest of the year. We’ve been in Kentucky almost 2 months now, and like everyone else heading into this new fall season, we are finally getting settled into a new routine. That is exactly why I pulled out my yearly goal sheet to find ways to incorporate my goals into my new schedule.
What I wasn’t ready for was seeing how much progress I’ve made on my goals this summer—even during all the chaos of moving & house projects & trips & new careers! I was even able to completely check off a completed goal—100% done! How exciting!
It’s pretty hilarious to me that I was surprised how much progress I’ve made. After all, with my entire being, I believe intentional living is the absolute best framework for my life. I’m an intentional living coach for goodness sakes, and yet, I still wish I had confetti today as I celebrated all the growth I’ve experienced this year.
Living intentionally is a framework for how we structure our daily lives and focus on who we are becoming. It’s a practice—of growth and learning and centering ourselves. So today, I figured I’d share my own story of learning to live more intentionally and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Going into college, I was certain I would graduate with a one way plane ticket to a developing country, ready to make a difference in the world. With a few foreign service trips and an honest desire to care for vulnerable populations, this was the only path that made sense to me. I didn’t consider any other options. Quite honestly, I didn’t know I should. At the time, I believed there was one path, one plan, one calling per person—and I thought I had figured mine out. So I went to school to pursue a degree in Public Health so that I could teach about preventative health in poverty stricken lands. I thought “You go to college and then get a job.” Easy.
Until this point, I had put a lot of effort into school and worked several jobs to pay for tuition, rent, and ramen. In looking for jobs, I knew I would not make any money as a missionary, but I never thought that it would actually cost me money to work—money I didn’t have. Worse yet, I did not have work experience in related field as the majority of those opportunities were unpaid. With every job posting, I saw the dreaded words “Similar Experience Required.”
There I was with a semester between me and a diploma when I realized I had no idea what was next.
I had been taught if you work really hard with integrity and passion, you’ll be successful. Yet the “If You Just Put Your Mind To It” mindset only created a blindspot for me. Once I realized this, I also discovered: All the what ifs in the world can’t change reality. At the end of the day, this was my first lesson in intentional living.
Lesson Learned: Life typically doesn’t do straight lines and specific answers. We need to pursue multiple avenues and options as we figure out the next best move for us.
Graduation was quickly approaching when I decided to put my original career plan on hold, and I began looking for another job—any job. This would be my different avenue. My thought process was: I would work until I had enough money to really pursue my dreams. I accepted the first job offer I received. It wasn’t directly related experience, but at this point, I was desperate.
I distinctly remember being asked in my interview, “What is your five year plan?”
I said something about still working there, seeing numerical growth, and maybe buying a house. My desperate lie revealed a very ugly truth: I was willing to compromise my dreams for what I thought others wanted of me.
Putting off my goals for “a little while” turned into “a little while longer.”
Three years passed and my life looked nothing like I had envisioned. Worse yet, I was exactly zero percent closer to pursuing my dreams. On top of that, I was lonely—over 1,200 miles away from home and the majority of my friends. I felt stuck and doubted, well, everything. Was I giving up on a dream? Was I changing and being swayed by material goods and things that didn’t matter? Or were my dreams as a teenager immature and impractical? Was anyone truly content and pursing their goals?
It sounds dramatic now, but I remember looking in a mirror and not recognizing myself. It wasn’t a surface level mistaken identity. Much worse, I felt like I had lost my very soul—disconnected from everything which previously made me feel alive. I would allow my thoughts to climb right up to the precipice of settling, assuming “life” was just a series of meetings that could have been an email, grocery shopping, and wishing every weekend was a day longer. But something deep, deep in my heart would pull me back, hoping there was more.
Lesson Learned: It’s important to keep your goals in the forefront of your mind. I made so many decisions over those 3 years, and not one of them did I align against who I wanted to become. I was still taking life as it came at me and doing what I thought was expected of me, only this time, I let my vision morph.
Yet, at the same time, it also felt like the work I was doing mattered. My relationship with my current boyfriend mattered. Health insurance and grocery money, as much as I hated to admit, mattered. I made commitments and did not know how to leave those behind.
I had been told that your early twenties are the good years—full of energy, growth, clear skin, perky boobs, free from limitations, and with time to live out your passions. My friends’ lives seemed to confirm this was true. Yet, for me, it felt like the years were passing by too quickly. My days were dull and time was out of my control.
I was wavering.
Between depression and happiness.
Between loneliness and friendship.
Between settling and dreaming.
Between mundane and purpose.
So how did it all line up?
It was about this time a friend asked me, “Cecelia, what are you for?”
What was I for? My entire life felt like a gray ocean, pushing and pulling me in different directions, confusing me along the way. What was I for? How was I supposed to know? If I could find solid ground anywhere, what would it be made of?
Lesson Learned: Wavering between previous dreams and a new plan for my life only passed time, it didn’t get me anywhere. We all need to find solid ground—something on which we can stand.
This zapped me into reality. What am I for? Who am I becoming?
So I wrote a list of things I wanted & things I stand for.
I believe in living a full and vibrant life.
In people that are good deep in their bones and are good for me.
In delighting in others and loving deeply.
In a Creator God who designed beauty for beauty’s sake.
In Grace for ALL and the promise of redemption.
I believe God envisioned a best life for each of us where we get to soak up all of Life’s glorious gifts.
In a God who belly laughs and cheers us on when we crash into God’s beautiful will and design.
& I believe in grace when I fail to believe in any or all of the above.
Lesson learned: I realized my life was defined a whole lot less by what I was doing professionally, than by how I was living and who I was becoming. Once you know what you are for, then you can focus on what you’re embracing.
Along with my list of values, I made a list of things my life was lacking.
1. A new job with a less jerky boss.
2. Color—a life that did not feel mundane or dull
3. Healthy body habits—as the days passed quickly, so did the fast food lines.
4. Education & growth—I missed learning and having my mind blown.
5. A partner—I wanted to marry the hottie I was dating.
6. A solid group of friends—my current lifestyle didn’t leave a lot of extra time for relationships outside of work.
7. To be a local somewhere—where everyone knows your name.
I laminated it. That’s how you know I was serious. Once I knew who I was becoming, I realized nothing I was doing currently was leading to her.
Lesson Learned: There may not be one direct path for each of us in life, but there is a general direction we can head. If that’s the case, my current situation was keeping me stuck, and not even checking the compass.
So, I started making changes to my life.
I got the world’s cutest puppy.
Told my boss that I quit.
I called my friend in Atlanta and told her I was moving in.
I had no job lined up, the smallest of savings accounts, and more hope than I had felt in a very long time.
Lesson Learned: I can take risks for myself and only I can give myself permission to leave. Everything else is figure-out-able.
It was the first time I made a decision without considering what anyone else would think.
Even my boyfriend.
As it would turn out, my move encouraged him to make one of his own. When he asked me to marry him, I said, “I have a few questions first.”
Honestly, that’s when I knew I was taking charge of myself again. With my list, I already knew what priorities I wanted to shape my life. Now, I wanted to make sure our lives aligned, that what was important to me was fully respected and supported by him.
He said yes.
Lesson Learned: The people in your life who support you are encouraged by your confidence and bravery, not afraid or stifled by it. My decision to be fully myself allowed him to also be fully himself, and attend a graduate program at the University of his dreams.
Intentionality started snowballing for me then. Three months later, our wedding was fully based off of my values list. We kept it small, inviting only 40 people who were good, deep in their bones. We belly laughed that night under the stars, and celebrated the Creator of beauty, love, and grace.
Lesson Learned: Creating guidelines for your life works. I’ll never forget looking in the mirror again, this time on my wedding day. I felt beautiful, maybe for the first time in my entire life, and I felt whole. Not because I found a man to marry me. No, no. It was because I was standing in white dress and knew fully who I was.
The very next day, we packed our belongings and moved to our teeny tiny apartment in Atlanta. Eight hundred square feet forced other values on us: minimalism & efficiency. In a small navy room, we set our own intentions for our life together. We planned out weekly routines and decided what we’d spend our little bit of money on. We prioritized time together, building relationships, walking as much as possible, and our ministries.
It was every ounce of dreamy and difficult that a first year of marriage can be.
My life felt colorful and bold, and yet, I still wondered if I was fully living into who I was created to be. So often, time knows exactly what we need. That fall I stumbled into women’s conference with my mom. From the stage I heard glorious women leader’s talking about a life’s purpose statement. They spoke against the “You Have One Calling and You Need to Find It Before You Lose It” rhetoric that always imprisoned me. Their words helped it all connect for me—not only did I have a list of values and a list of desires, I also could have a list of purposes. So that night, I created my own life mission statement.
Lesson learned: Purpose comes before action. I knew what I was for, and now I discovered my own role to play.
With this purpose statement in front of me, I asked, “Does my current life add up to this? Will my current life impart the legacy I want to leave? Am I using my gifts as well as I can?”
It did, in so many ways. However, there were two glaring gaps.
1. We wanted to build relationships that were mutually beneficial. This was really glaring to us because everyone in our neighborhood was beyond generous to us, but there was no way we could repay them. We didn’t want to be charity, we wanted to be friends.
2. Our finances were out of control. #gradschoollife We were seriously rationing off brand cheese crackers each night because we could hardly afford rent and groceries.
Moving to the Pittsburgh neighborhood of Atlanta was the riskiest decision we ever made. We were far from confident—no one suggests buying a house while you are in grad school. However, as terrified as we were, we felt pulled, knowing that this tiny purple house provided opportunities for us to be so much more intentional. Plus, we had already learned to take risks, and everything else is figure-out-able.
So, we moved.
We moved for financial reasons. We moved because we wanted to be more intentional with our neighbors. We moved for a clearer understanding of poverty. We moved because we wanted to be surrounded by black voices, challenging the “norms” we learned growing up white.
Once we settled in Pittsburgh, our intentional weekly rhythms included walking the dogs to meet our neighbors. Planning outdoor projects during peak hours so we’d meet people as they walked past. Entertaining neighborhood kids after school and helping with homework. Attending the neighborhood meetings.
My original plan in college was to be a missionary. It was rooted in authentic compassion, but I learned, was misguided. All these years later, I realized I actually rather be a neighbor.
Lesson learned: In each season of life, the intentional doing looks different, but what you are for and your purpose remain the same.
Intentionality was important in our relationships, and now we started wondering how setting intentions worked in all areas of our lives. So, we took a really serious, in-your-face challenge based off of Jen Hatmaker’s SEVEN Challenge to find ways we could narrow our focus & purpose. We wanted a real clear picture of our lives and how they were going for others. We wanted to diagnose areas where we could grow, so we could narrow down how to add these important things into our routine.
We ate local for a month.
We focused on rest.
We took a hard look at our finances and gave more money away.
We considered our consumption and materialism. (This was my least favorite!)
Over and over again, we asked the question, how are our actions affecting others from our inner most circle to those we’ve never met? How is our life going for others?
Lesson Learned: None of this matters unless it also is good for others. Asking the question, how can I make my life better for myself is important. Equally so, we need to ask how we can make our lives better for those around us too.
Like I said earlier, our routines change alongside our lives, and in September of last year, I had an unexpected, emergency gallbladder surgery. I had been pretty sick for the months leading up to it, so it should not have been a surprise. Yet this surgery really uprooted our rhythms. It totally threw me off track and we ended our 7 experiment very prematurely.
I was disappointed, however, at that moment, my body was telling me that health, rest, and recovery were priorities. We took slower walks and focused on whole foods and no longer filled our weekends to the max.
It was a good reminder: The sum of our decisions defines our life.
Lesson learned: Just like your goals only work if they are good for others, the same goes with your body. Intuitive eating, regular exercise, and rest are now forever a priority.
It felt too immediate, but Fall 2018’s recovery turned into a spring time of unknown transition. We knew William’s graduation date was only months away and the search process for his job would take months. So in January, we doubled down and focused on our friends, on praying for the future, and on making sure we were leaving sustainable programs at work.
We spent our final night toasting our friends on blankets throw on our living room floor, and I realized I got everything I was looking for. I was leaving a job I enjoyed with a boss I respected. I was a local in our favorite Mexican restaurant that we frequented with our incredible group of friends. My life was vivid, bursting with color and purpose and hope. I had married the man who stands beside me and beckons me towards adventures. Together we had learned far more than books can teach about God and life and and race and humanity.
It was the very life I envisioned because it was the very life I spent cultivating.
Lesson Learned: Living an intentional life means putting down much deeper roots than ever before. Life in Atlanta was the most meaningful season, and therefore, the hardest goodbyes we’ve said.
Holding these truths close to my heart, we moved forward to a new home, new community, and new vocations. As with any transition, this current season is good and hard and lonely and exciting. In Kentucky, our lives will look vastly different than Atlanta, but we are still sticking to our bigger Live with a Mission statements. William lives with a mission to make God known. My mission statement is to help others see and live into their worth.
See how we can do that anywhere and in so many different ways?
Lesson learned: Living intentionally is the key to any season and any situation. It aligns us with our truest self, reminds us of the Truths we live by, and connects us with a purpose beyond ourselves.
For you, your purpose (or Live with a Mission Statement, as I like to call it) will also manifests itself in different ways throughout your life. And that’s okay. What is important is asking yourself: What am I for? What is important/needed from me now? Where can I use my gifts? How is my life for others?
A life of purpose, cultivated intentionality is done in 3 ways:
Knowing who you are and who you are becoming. It is nuanced, for sure, but can be summarized in one or two sentences. This is an over arching theme for your life, unchanging, yet constantly growing.
Getting your finances in order. Hear me loud and clear, I know this is a drag. BUT I also know first hand that controlling your finances is crucial to be able to advance to the next stage of your life.
Once you identify your Live with a Mission statement, cultivating intentional routines & rhythms within your weekly schedule is the best way to live purposefully. This looks different as your circumstances change, so be on the look out for new avenues that speak to your soul.
