5 Ways to Narrow Your Focus & Make Decisions

The Target shower curtain aisle is not the most ideal place to have an emotional break down, so of course, it was where it happened.  My mother and I had been standing in front of the display for over 30 minutes. My task was simple: pick a curtain, toothbrush holder, and soap dispenser. And yet, it was too much for me. My body went limp as I slid down to the floor, much to the horror of my mother who did not understand why shower curtains were causing such a fuss. Until I sobbed, “I just don’t know what I like or who I am or who I want to be!”

God bless her, she understandingly sat down, too. It had been a brutal week. Doors closed. Jobs shifted. Relationships failed. Feelings were hurt. The life I was building was no longer an option. So, I was left with every possibility in front of me and before I had time to regroup, I was being forced to make decisions. It was beyond overwhelming.

This feeling can be true for choosing a career, picking a business mission statement, pushing forward with your nonprofit, deciding where to spend your time, deciding what to highlight in a resume, or naming a child, etc.

In times of transition or importance, too many options tend to freeze us in our tracks, unsure of how to proceed. There is added pressure when we are cultivating our lives to be an appropriate representation of who we are and what we are for.

For many of my coaching clients, this is a common experience--too many options can create chaos instead of freedom. We tend to think of freedom as being limitless, but in reality, healthy freedom of choice has healthy boundary lines.

When it comes to cultivating our lives through decision making, the first step needs to be: create your boundaries.

Without thinking, we know to do this with simpler decisions, i.e in the shower curtain aisle. You almost subconsciously ask yourself: What colors do I like? How big does it need to be? What other colors in the room need to match? What is my price range? Do I need a liner to go with it?  

This example is seemingly trivial, but when we feel the pressure of making large decisions, we seem to forget this natural process creating boundaries to simplify our options. Important decisions add pressure and pressure makes us act funky.

The best way forward is to narrow our focus, even if that means exploring options we never considered before. We need to take one simple step at a time.

Basic life coaching tenants remind us the answer is already deep inside who we are.

Here’s a few steps to try:

1. Center yourself.
   Take a minute to pray. Spend time with Jesus remembering who God says you are. Push aside your inner critic and remember you belong to a God who redeems, provides, and equips.

2. Ask the hard questions.
   Sometimes decisions are hard to make when we are not being honest with ourselves. 
   What works in your life now? What is your budget (with money, energy, time, etc)? How would this option align with the goals you have for your life (family, career, ministry, etc)? Is this something you want/need, or are you making this decision because you feel like “you should?” What other decisions come along with this? How does this affect…..?

3. Narrow your options down to a few favorites.
   Shonda Rhimes says, “YES should feel like the sun.” Which options before you get you excited? Which one makes the wheels in your brain start turning with plans and ideas? Which inspires you?

4. Create Action Steps
   Pick 2-3 action steps you can make this week to solidify your decision. How are you going to implement this decision? What needs to be done next? What need to be done this week? Who do you need to tell? Who should you invite on your support team?

5. Breathe & Trust Your Inner Self
   You are the expert in you! So trust yourself to make decisions with your best interest in mind. But also, relax, most major decisions we stress ourselves out with are not permanent. Of course, we want to make the best decisions that align with the life we are carefully cultivating, but there is always room to change your mind, to start again, or to build upon.

Want to know the end of my traumatic shower curtain story? After a good cry, I walked out with a beautiful shower curtain that day. My mom bought everything because I think she just wanted me off the floor. I also spent a lot of time with Jesus, remembering who I was and discovering who I wanted to be. And now, about 5 years later, the beautiful shower curtain is a paint drop cloth. I used it the other day to paint my cabinets blue (talk about options! Do you know how many shades of blue there are?!)

 I laughed as I remembered the shopping trip and how easily we forget that life changes each day and with every new season. Throughout this life we will continue to make decisions and to narrow & shift our focus. Freedom is still there, but is no longer daunting.