This I Know to Be True
Looking back on it now, I think the entire season from January until May last year was difficult. We were in what most would consider an exciting time—my husband was graduating from grad school and applying for his dream jobs all over the country. And yet, the unknowns were overwhelming and it was a season of mourning what we would lose when we moved. Making decisions and remaining in the present felt impossible and isolating. Looking back, it sounds as though I’m over exaggerating such an emotion season. Yet that’s really just how fear of the unknown works. It’s daunting and consuming.
Finally, one weekend in May when the waiting felt suffocating, we stuffed our faces with guac from our favorite ATL Mexican restaurant and made 2 lists.
List One: All the Ways Previous Hard Things Worked Out Better Than We Could Imagine List Two: Things We Knew Were Certain, No Matter What.
You could say it was the margaritas, but I believe these lists helped clear the confusion and give us the perspective that we needed to get through that day, and the next, and the next, until we got the answers we had been seeking.
This spring for many of us feels just as daunting as last. The unknowns and potential effects of COVID-19 are just as endless as the strand of “what if’s” we can occupy our minds with. In coaching calls over the past few weeks, many of you have said you’ve had a difficult time controlling your emotions and soothing your anxiety. Same here. So, I figured I’d sit down and write down my list again. I’d encourage you to write both lists for yourself too, as they will surely look different than mine.
Now, for clarification, what I know to be true may not feel true about your life, and that’s okay. It’s also important to note that my own religious beliefs naturally play a role in this list and you may not share those. That’s also okay. I love that we all come to the table with different realities and that, somehow, those realities make up the Truth of the human existence.
Things I Believe are Certain, No Matter What:
God is fully good and fully loving.
Bad things happening are not from God as a punishment or a lesson or an “I told you so.” Chaos is part of this world and natural suffering does not discriminate or target based on merit.
Love wins. Every.time.
The shore always feels the same distance away when you’re in the middle of the lake. And yet, as you swim that direction, you’re getting closer to it. We often don’t see the whole picture and the progress of what’s unfolding.
People are good deep in their bones.
There is more abundance that there is scarcity. Each time we can act out of abundance to others and ourselves we are fulfilling our role in the world.
Joy, grace, and kindness are contagious and are often the fastest avenue to a solution.
We are inherently capable of doing hard things. What overwhelms us is the size of the problem, so we need to approach whatever lies ahead one step at a time.
Fear makes each of us respond differently than we would otherwise and it’s not a clear representation of who we truly are. We need to be aware of this in ourselves and others.
Emotions are real, but they are not always the whole Truth.
We are not alone in our grief for God is attentive to the cries of the broken hearted, the wanderers, the lonely, and the afraid. She’s with us.
Forgiveness and grace are often part of the way forward and take a lot of strength.
It is an insanely hard thing to do, but there will always be beauty in the midst of pain, life in the midst of death, light in the midst of darkness, should we choose to look for it. One does not have the power to remove the other.
It’s not exhaustive. And there are some I’m more certain of than others, but it’s what I know today. After all, that’s all I have: today.
What’s on your lists?
Recall those times when things have worked out, even if it was different than you could have planned for.
Who was there?
What happened?
What were you feeling before? After?
To whom do you give credit?
What are the moments that still make you scratch your head, amazed by the timing?
If you’re struggling to see how things will work together now, how can you remind yourself often of these positive past memories/experiences?
What is it that you can (re)learn from that experience today?
What do you need to take with you?
Next, ask yourself what you know to be true regardless of circumstances.
What is always true for you?
Maybe this is a time to remember your faith, whatever that may be.
What do you believe is true about this earth?
What do you believe is true about humanity?
What do you believe to be true about yourself, your strength, your purpose?
Where do you see life and goodness?
What moments or things always help you feel aligned?
In the midst of darkness and pain, where do you find hope?
In the midst of the unknown, on what or where do you plant your feet?
What is your role in all of us?
Of course, I’m not saying these lists will help you find employment or pay your bills or heal yourself or a loved one. Oh, how I wish they had that much power. But they do have the power to help us rest at night. They have the power to steady our breathing. They have to power to show us where our strength lies. They have the power to keep us connected to the world and those we share it with. They have the power of perspective.
I hope making these lists is helpful for you, not just during this COVID-19 pandemic, but anytime you face uncertainty.
Keep Cultivating.
