Filtering Advice
Welp. I had major anxiety last night. Honestly, I’ve been managing my stress levels pretty well so far. So I was a little confused as I laid in bed practicing my breathing techniques and verbally processing the truth from panic, wondering what set me into this spiral. It was a pretty peaceful day followed by a beautiful evening around our fire pit listening to hymns—what happened?
Then I realized, I was listening to voices I don’t typically listen to. You know, the very people who keep getting closer as you back away slowly from the conversation. The voices that seem high pitch and angry when you read them online. Throughout the day I spent more time than usual on social media seeing 100+ posts about “How to…during COVID-19”. I scrolled through comments (which I never do!). Watched a press briefing on a channel I’ve banned. And finished the evening with a really long opinion piece basically entitled “Everything Is Doomed” which was full of startling statistics, references, quotes from smart people, and charts to back it up.
If you’re thinking, “You should have known better.” You’re right. Of course I should have…and still, do. Except this is a fearful time we’re living in. Life as we know it is changing, and yet we aren’t totally sure how or when it’s going to stop. It’s confusing and chaotic and loud and somehow quiet too.
In the midst of confusion and chaos, in an attempt to find answers, I let those voices back in. And chaos and confusion swallowed me whole.
Now, one of the core principles of life coaching is: coaching is not advice giving. Simply put, we all know ourselves better than anyone else. So when we are looking for answers, we are the best ones to give ourselves advice. My strengths are not your strengths. Nor are our fears, passions, or circumstances the same, so what worked for me may not work for you. That’s okay. It’s also exactly why one of the daily rhythms we practice is filtering advice.
Filtering the advice we receive sounds like common knowledge, but in a day and age where everyone has access to a keyboard, it’s an important lesson to learn. Often we do not realize how many messages we take in throughout one day and how deeply it affects us. These voices come through the radio, friends, social media, news, comments online, billboards, clickbait articles…the list goes on, but I won’t. This is why online influencers have a job…and why I bought a pair of glasses after a previous bachelorette shared them on her story.
Filtering advice isn’t only necessary during global pandemics, it’s true for all aspect of life.
When we are intentional about the voices we allow in, we can better control our emotions and keep our perspectives in check.
Filtering advice also means listening to knowledgable, calm voices to ensure the words we receive are truthful, healthy, quality, and relevant. It also means finding people who’s desire for the world is wholistic, not self-serving.
Filtering advice means getting intentional about who has a say in your life and in your emotions. The unfortunate truth is that as we make progress and become more aligned with who we want to be, not everyone is going to understand or be in support of our transformation. Not everyone will say the right thing or even something remotely helpful. That in no way is a reflection on you. What does matter though is how we filter advice and process feedback and who we invite in along the way.
After hearing all of this, it sometimes it tempting to turn off everything and stick our heads in the sand. Or perhaps, only listen to voices which 100% agree with us and how we see the world. But that will only prevent us from making wise, well informed decisions. There’s no quicker way to become less informed and isolated, in my opinion. We can’t run away from the world, but we do have an opportunity to make intentional decisions about where, when, how long, and from whom we get our information. Even with the opposing voices, we still have a choice of whom to listen to.
So, what does filtering advice look like for you?
Think through your relationships, your social media feeds, your news outlets.
Think though the people you call when things hit the fan—are they listening and asking questions, or are they prescribing solutions?
What voices are you hearing loud and clear?
Are there any quiet voices you need to become more aware of how often they shape your life?
What voices do you need to mute or unfollow?
What voices of opposition are there that speak calmly & rationally?
Which information sources motivate you and keep you well informed?
Which leave you feeling stressed out or angry?
How can you invite calm, educated, hopeful voices into your day?
Who, on a personal level, do you need to stop letting in?
Who do you want to learn from?
What can you do to be more educated to make the right next step for yourself?
Are you willing to trust your own instincts? Why? Why not?
What limiting beliefs do you need to set aside so you can filter advice wisely and glean what’s important?
What feels like a healthy limit to absorbing information from others? (Think how long to watch news, read articles, etc a day)
Some questions to consider when you do get fed information:
Is this person directly concerned with my wellbeing?
Does their connection or lack of connection to me make their words biased?
At this very moment, do I need to absorb this information?
If this situation were reversed, would I offer these same words?
Is what they are saying: factual, helpful, kind, and knowledgable?
Do these words have a direct impact on my life and how I’m choosing to live it?
What emotions do I feel? Why?
We all have a purpose and intent in what we say, what might their’s be?
Does this source support my goals and who I’m becoming? How do I know?
Has this person’s words helped or hindered me in the past?
Does this person have similar experience? How may they be affecting their advice or feedback?
Do I directly report to this person? Is there a layer of power or control here?
